Andi Dorfman's Got a Single State of Mind...And That's Okay!
Andi Dorfman--who was a contestant on the 18th season of The Bachelor and the lead on the 10th season of The Bachelorette--has experienced a lot of heartbreak. Yet despite going through nine-week filming experiences in efforts to find love twice in her life, she holds her head up high and uses her stories to empower others. Her courage in sharing what occurred during her abusive relationship inspired many who were once in a similar situation. Her book, It’s Not Okay, was so well-received, it even became a New York Times best-seller. Since moving to New York three years ago, Dorfman is not planning on slowing down any time soon, as she continues to share wisdom about life and love in her new book, Single State of Mind, which is a triumph for all ladies who lack a significant other. I attended her discussion book signing at Barnes and Noble on the Upper East Side to learn more about her past, present, and future. Below, you will find some of the most interesting things that Dorfman revealed, including her love for NYC, her passion for cute shoes, and the lessons she's learned from dating. You can thank me later ;-)
Where did you get your pants?
Where did I get my pants? (laughs) ASOS. I thought you were going to talk about exes and stuff. We can talk about pants all day long.
How did you start writing your book?
I actually journal my books. I started the first one, It’s Not Okay, when I was going through a breakup. I, obviously, was engaged a while ago.It was really weird because it was very public. I didn’t really know how to handle it, who to talk to, who to trust, and I just literally picked up a notebook and a pen and started writing. From that, came all these stories and it kind of became my outlet and my way to purge. I did the exact same thing with [my new book] Single State of Mind. I was actually writing it while I was on the plane, going from Atlanta moving to New York City. For me, it all came from just journals--it was the way for me to get the most detail possible.
How do you describe your personal style?
I’d say I’m high-low with stuff. I love a good pair of shoes. I have no problem spending money on a good pair of shoes. Now that I live in New York, I like simple, clean black on black. Really, really interesting (she said sarcastically, as you can imagine).
What have you learned about yourself from your dating experiences?
I would say as far as dating, I think us women just put too much pressure on
ourselves. I find myself saying, “Oh, I hope this guy likes me” or “Am I saying the right thing? Am I doing the right thing?” I think for women, we overthink and take advice columns and other people’s relationships as what we should do and what the standard should be.
What’s one piece of advice that you would give to yourself three years ago when you first moved to New York?
When I came to NYC three years ago, I moved recklessly. Everyone kind of said to me, “Oh, I can’t believe you could pick up and move to a new city.” I always tell people that you never know what you can do when you have nothing to lose. For me, I had no job, really. I had no boyfriend. I had been living with my fiance at that time so I had no home. Of course, I had the support of my friends and family, but I really had nothing to lose. I think I would tell myself that when you have nothing to lose, take that as an opportunity to gain anything and everything.
What’s the best date that you’ve had in the city so far?
This is going to sound super boring but I had an amazing date at a great restaurant. We had sushi, which I love, and it was just such good food that I think it made the date so much better.
Do you continue to watch seasons of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, and, in particular, the last Bachelor in Paradise with “who shall not be named” (Josh Murray) was on?
Yeah, I definitely did not watch Paradise. I talk about that in the book, actually, because it did happen while I was writing, so I didn’t want to shy away from that. I just started watching Arie’s season and I like it because it’s all fresh faces. I feel like I’m finally watching it as a viewer.
Do you want to go back to working in law? (Andi was a former Assistant District Attorney in Fulton County, Georgia)
I do. I get asked that a lot. The honest answer is that I love my job but I did not love fighting rush-hour traffic and working 12 hours a day. I love that I got the opportunity to do something different and I had no idea that it was going take me here. I feel like it was this weird blessing in disguise that I got to do the show and I got to do all this because I always remind myself that I earned a law degree. I still have that. I will forever have that. When all this is said and done, which I’m sure unfortunately one day it will be, I will definitely go back to law.
After everything happened, what made you choose New York City?
I’ve always had a love for New York City. Anytime I visited, I honestly just
felt like it was the place to get distracted in. Like I said before, I was so lost. I had no idea what I was doing, where I was going, and I just kind of thought, “You know what? New York City sounds great.”
Is there any truth to the rumors about you and Chris Harrison dating (the host of The Bachelor franchise)?
Should we call him and ask? Should we put him on FaceTime and ask? No, there is no truth to it. I do love him. He’s a good friend of mine. But I won’t FaceTime him because he will probably never be friends with me again.
What other women authors have you read and admire?
I admire a lot of female authors. Obviously, Lena Dunham came out with something that was great. I loved Amy Schumer’s book too. I grew up listening to a lot of female authors on audiobook, like Sophie Kinsella. I think there’s something as a woman about a listening or reading works by a woman author that is just so relatable and I love that, especially when it comes to things like dating, love lives,
and even work.
What was your biggest goal in going on The Bachelor?
To be honest, the travel. I wasn’t against the love at all. I knew it was going to be Juan Pablo. I felt like he was attractive. I didn’t think my bosses would ever let me take a leave. I was not expecting the reaction that I received. They were all, like, “You have to do it. You just have to do it.” Cute guy. Paid vacation time. Travel. Sold--I was on the next flight.
What’s your high and your low when it comes to living in New York City?
The high, I’m going to say, is the vibe. There’s so much energy; I pinch myself sometimes when I’m just walking by somewhere like Madison Square Garden. There are so many different things happening at any given moment. The low, I would say other than the men, is the rent. The rent ain’t cheap!
What are your top three favorite restaurants in the city?
The Polo Bar, which I talked about in the book. I’m also a sucker for Katz’s Deli. The third one is Shuko, which is the sushi place where I went on a great date.
How much is scripted on the (Bachelor) shows?
Zero. Everyone always asks that. My theory is that it starts at casting. They cast people that they just know that, when you put them in a house and you have them fighting for one man or one woman, are just going to cause drama naturally. I’m telling you, nothing is scripted except for where the dates are. When I was the lead, I would walk through the dates and know
where we were going to do the ice cream and fish shop or where we were going to dinner. You would know things like that. The producers didn’t even need to tell anyone what to say. People were ready to sing like canaries.
Which couple is your favorite Bachelor success story?
I love Kaitlyn and Shawn. When I see them in person together, I always joke with her and say “You guys have morphed into one person.” They’re literally, like, the same human being. I like their relationship a lot.
Are you glad, looking back on it now, that you didn’t get married three years ago? Do you feel like you’re more ready now?
Yes, I am. I will say this, though. When I got engaged, I was 100% sure that I was going to marry that guy. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I don’t regret saying yes. I don’t regret getting engaged. I’m actually proud to say that I feel that way but I am definitely glad that I did not end up getting married. Obviously, I don’t think it would have worked out. I think there’s nothing wrong with saying that you’re glad you didn’t do something and at the same time, being glad that you took the steps toward that.
You can be directed to purchase Andi's book, Single State of Mind, by clicking this link: https://www.amazon.com/Single-State-Mind-Andi-Dorfman/dp/1501174223